Pristley


* Sarah Silverman: Hey Jimmyits me. Im in ahh, a hotelI dont know Ive been on the road so long I..I dont even know what city Im in any more to be honest. Anyway, Ive been thinking about you a lot, and ahh, Ive been needing to tell you something. I dont know why I havent but its important, I mean weve been together for so long, over 5 years, and I still havent told you and its just not right, so here it goes.
* Sarah Silverman: Im fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: Shes fucking Matt Damon
Sarah Silverman: Im sorry but its true
* Sarah Silverman: Im fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: Shes fucking Matt Damon
Sarah Silverman: Im not imagining its you
* Sarah Silverman: Im fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: On the bed, on the floor, on a towel by the door, in the tub, in the car, up against the mini-bar
* Sarah Silverman: Im fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: Shes fucking Matt Damon
Sarah Silverman: While youre drinking diet Snapple
* Sarah Silverman: I said Im fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: She said shes fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: Hey Kimmel, how do you like them apples? Get it? Cause, cause Im talking about her breasts
Sarah Silverman: Yeahitsits funny
* Sarah Silverman: Hey Jim, dont take it badRemember all the good times we hadLike the time we went fishingAnd we caught a bunch of fishThen you puked in the bucketOn the fish that we caught
* Girls: Knock knock!
Boys: Whos that knocking at my door?
Girls: Imefa!
Boys: Imefa who?
Girls: Im fucking Matt Damon!
Boys: Shes fucking Matt Damon!
Sarah Silverman: Analyze!
Everyone: F-U-C-K Matt D-A-M-O-NI said F-U-C-K Matt D-A-M-O-N
* Sarah Silverman: Im fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: Shes fucking Matt Damon
Sarah Silverman: And you know that I aint lying
* Sarah Silverman: I said Im fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: Shes fucking Matt Damon
Sarah Silverman: Ask The Insiders Pat OBrien
The Insiders Pat OBrien: Its true, The Insider has confirmed that she is in fact fucking Matt Damon
* Sarah Silverman: [Remember when] Last week when I was playing Scrabble with you online, I was fucking Matt Damon
* Matt Damon: [Remember when] You went back and forth to do your show and Regis and Kellys show, she was DEFINITELY fucking Matt Damon
* Sarah Silverman: [Remember when] I told you I was fucking Matt Damon? I WAS fucking Matt Damon.
* Sarah Silverman: On the bed, on the floor, on a towel by the door, in the tub, in the car, up against the mini-bar
Matt Damon: Shes fucking Matt Damon
Sarah Silverman: Shes fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: Shes fucking Matt Damon
Sarah Silverman: I love L.A.!
* Sarah Silverman: So, thats itumm.I think I was clear?
Matt Damon: No, you did great.
Sarah Silverman: Oohh, it was okay. [laughs]
Matt Damon: Pretty damn good.
Sarah Silverman: Ummm, anywayumm, you know, we had a great run Jim and ahhh, I hope theres no hard feelings, I hope we can be friends. Im friends with all my boyfriends, my old boyfriends. If anything isnt clear or you need closure of some kind, please please call my publicist Amy Zvi at BNCPR. So take care
Matt Damon: You know what? Stop right there.Jimmy were out of timesorry.
Sarah Silverman: [laughs] You are soo bad!
Matt Damon: A little bit, lets put that guitar down and go fuck Matt DamonSee ya Jimmy.